It's been a long long time since I've had the time to self reflect on myself and I'm so glad that during these holidays of the past 3 weeks, I was able to genuinely reflect on who I am. I've never really consider of doing a self reflection, because i just never though I needed it, but it was just so good to question myself as an individual and who I really am! Not being too self centred, I slowly have discovered by true self but as of now, it's quite not fulfilling in the way I would like it to be. In saying that, I've only reconnected myself with my personalities and qualities that make me who I am. Spiritually, I'm still on a path if Christianity is what I 'need' because as of the interactions I have encountered, religion is so complicated that it needs plenty of time for me to either accept it. I know i have belief, but spiritually speaking I have no faith. Faith and Belief are two different things and it's kind of frustrating not doing anything about it. I'm just here saying 'I'll know when to talk to God'. That's all i have in my defence. When the time is right, I'll talk to Him. I'm spiritually disconnected but I'd like to reconnect soon.
Also, I've had the opportunity to have a psychologist talk to a group of youth members, including myself during my break. The session went on for approximately 45 minutes, in which she discussed what our 'personality indicator' meant. Mine was ENTJ. An Extraverted Thinking with Intuition. In the general description of what I am, it says 'ENTJs may need to work at taking feeling values into account. Relying so much on their logical approach, they may overlook feeling values... If feeling values are ignored too much, they may build up pressure and find expression in inappropriate ways... they may need to develop the art of appreciation.' I truly 100 per cent believe these words, even one of my closest friends told me. I was so frustrated at the end of this camp, which had held this session, that I did not want to continue with this youth group. Being around them this week, brought me to see how people's way of treating me does effect me emotionally. It has brought me to see that even when I try to speak up, that those words are not regarded and even when I am happy, I will get targeted down.
Considering how I act around anyone, in which my attitude is shown as not to care, I do actually genuinely care. I need to personally step up my game in how I approach life. I have been given so many opportunities with my first semester at uni and when the second one begins, I will conquer myself to become more logical in the way I speak. I have in somewhat accepted that I do love myself for who I am, but being someone who loves to learn, I just need motivation to keep up with my values and belief as an individual. I believe everyone, including myself deserves true happiness and if I can't be happy with myself and my surrounding, then the only person I'm pulling down is myself.
So to all of those who are effected by the perception of others or how people don't show care and compassion to you... I say let yourself be happy first, move away from these people if you have to but just remember that you need to be happy with your surrounding and only you can make those decisions. You are the driver of your life and remember 'Life is a Story, make yours the bestseller'. (A quote I have given to all my friends on their birthday and now to you!)
Listening to: The sounds of the airplane passing by